Disappointed with myself

Oh, I don’t know how to express myself now . Let me try to make sense .It’s hard for me to find a or some words to describe my feeling . I quarreled with my husband just now because of a sentence .And it is totally due to me. I don’t want to say it’s my own fault . Because I am still in a bad mood . I am still angry with him . I still think he is to blame .

Before breakfast ,I weighed myself .The weighing machine showed that I was 56.7km . In order to lose weight , I force myself to quit dinner every evening .I feel hungry , especially when I watch someone eat something .So to have breakfast and lunch seems to be a period of happiness for me .

When I began to have dumplings which I made yesterday afternoon , he said,”Weigh yourself before and after your meal.”His tone sounded so cold and full of sarcasm.

“Your quality is vicious. It seems that everything that can make me feel bad will satisfy you. Is the summer vacation lack of two quarrels?” I became aggressive .

According to the  previous years , at the beginning and end of the summer vacation , we quarreled .

“And you always like to quarrel with me before my parents and other relatives .”I continued .Before when my parents and my sisters were aside ,I used to control myself in order not to make my parents and sisters worry about me .Every time I tell my parents how kind their son-in –law is .But now my mother has passed away and others are not here.

Humans are unreliable ,including me . When I get angry , I will think of every fault of him . His kindness went away completely .

“A dog biting Lv Dongbin---to mistake a good man for a bad one ”He said and left his chair .

We stopped .

Sometimes I really want to live alone .In that way , I will not experience his kindness and badness .Most of the time ,he is so diligent ,helpful and good –tempered. But because of this , it becomes more difficult for me to face his sudden losing temper .

My mouth didn’t go on with what is going on in my mind. I know my words will hurt someone when I get angry .

I went to my bedroom ,closed the door and turned on the computer .

When I am writing here ,gradually , I begin to regret .

Is there anything wrong with my nerves ? I am not a young girl . Why do I lose my temper so easily?

How and when can I become benignant and tolerate more?

I always feel guilty for my words . Some hurt is uncurable.

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